Flawed Logic

You can only let people influence you if you let them in. You can only let them touch your soul if you tear down your wall. My wall is down, but I want to build it taller and thicker than before because it feels like this wall is all I have. If its built strong enough it can protect me and it will never let me down. People, they let you down. They also help you, they also fix you, but they hurt you so bad. I'm scared because I feel like I'm going to miss some major opportunity, but I can't risk being let down again. Everyone has proved me right so far - people, they let you down. Promises - lies. Love - forget it, eventually it ends one way or another. So these are the truths I must now live with, but they are so sad, they make me cry.

So I'm closing myself off, and I'm scared, because I don't like being alone. And it hurts that there is no one to say goodbye to as I walk away. This is flawed logic. I realize this, but I don't know who to depend on. No one but myself. Even I let myself down, but at least I can give myself a reason. At least I fight for me. I am grateful for that, but this battle is so tiring. I'm starting to feel numb again. Looking around to nothing around. I'll keep helping. I'll keep supporting. I will be there for those in need, but I don't trust that anyone will stick around. I know that is flawed logic too, because people don't trust you if you don't trust them back.

Day by day? What's the point? I like the unexpected, but living so uncertain of everything? I guess thats reality?

I'm so lost right now I want to scream. I've been in and out of this place too many times in the past month or two. Tata would enjoy every moment of everyday but its like I don't even remember how because I'm too worried about everything falling apart.

I've been here before, I don't like this place.